VEN (ROME) — On the Pope’s daily talk show Wednesday, Ab Apostolis Approbata — broadcast live on Vatican TV — His Holiness told special guest Sally Field during the Truth Or Dare segment of the show,  that yes he had in fact reached out to NOKO’s Most Resplendent Imperial Wizard Of Power Forwardy And Grandest Opulence Of The Ever-Expanding Universe Kim Jong-un, and invited him to donate his nuclear arsenal to the Vatican in return for a perpetual blessing and a series of adamantine Papal indulgences guaranteed to lessen or entirely eliminate his time Purgatory, depending on the extent of Mr Jong-un’s nuclear offering.

Vatican Spokesperson Cardinal Baldassare “Pots And Pans” Castiglione told reporters Thursday that The Church had no immediate plans to become a nuclear arms dealer and denied rumors that Pope Francis was an agent of the Mossad.

“Hey, we’re trying to bring about a peaceful solution to a very troubling situation that affects all of humanity, OK?  If later on down the road we can make a few bucks on the deal, so what?   I mean, we’re running a f***ing business here, for Christ Sake!”

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