VEN (Harare) — Mugabe Productions in conjunction with Jacob Zuma, Ltd announced Saturday that they will be debuting a new African reality TV series, Dancing With The Dead, where contestants perform native tribal dances with the perfumed, muslin-wrapped corpses of their deceased relatives before a live studio audience on South Africa Zulu TV’s Flaming Necklace Channel.
In keeping with the African tradition of lobola, contestants risk forfeiting an ear, nose, toe, major appendage, or having their entire family sold into conflict diamond servitude while competing for papier-mâché imitation-mahogany, semi-hermetically sealed coffins, buckets of fermented cow’s blood, and a lifetime supply of jenkem.
But not so fast, says BBC Worldwide Productions, co-owners of the hit US television show Dancing With The Stars.
“The neo-colonial imperialist white devils once again seek to subjugate a free and proud Africa by attacking us with an outrageous copyright infringement lawsuit in the World Court,” a Mugabe Productions executive explained to reporters Saturday.
“We pay them no mind. This is Africa. We do as we please here!”
Despite the impending lawsuit, DWTD showrunner Jonathon Matumbo was wildly enthusiastic about the show’s future.
“As you might recall, we did a real-life Hunger Games for 15 years beginning in Darfur and moving to several different venues all over the continent. And of course who can forget our compelling real-life Rwandan Dallas, It’s Hutus/Tutsis Time! Or my personal favorite — Ebola Gay: The Men, the Mission, the African Bomb.
“But Dancing With The Dead is projected to eclipse them all!”
Indeed, major African companies like Cape Town Jenkem (Cape Town — Because You Deserve The Very Best) and Dr Mandingo’s Mau Mau Machete Emporium, Home Of The Original Tapanga Blade! are literally standing in line in Harare to advertise on what is expected to be the hottest African reality television show in decades.
“And to think that none of this would have been possible,” Mr Matumbo effused, “without the 6.6 billion USD that former President Obama pledged to sub-Saharan Africa, almost all of which is being used to produce this show!”