VEN (SAN FRANCISCO) — Failed presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, the former secretary-to-CEO who single-handedly destroyed Lucent and oversaw the irreparable decline of once great Hewlett-Packard, was rushed to Madam Tussad’s in San Francisco early Sunday morning, after her wax head showed signs of heat damage at a wine country resort late Saturday night.
As one anonymous source told VEN, “Carly has been so tense since she tried to quit smoking several weeks ago. After a few drinks Saturday, she went outside for one last Virginia Slim, and then we all went in to dinner. About 30 minutes later, the wildfires started. It kept getting hotter and hotter, and when we looked over at Carly half her face had dripped on to the table! It was horrifying! She looked like Gus Fring in Breaking Bad!”
The internationally renown wax museum was put on alert, and local craftsmen and candle makers were standing by when Ms Fiorina arrived by ambulance.
“We worked on her for over 12 hours,” a senior Tussad’s artist told VEN.
“Luckily the underlying clay was not as damaged as we originally believed, and of course we had all the original drawings and measurements to work with. We actually touched her up several times during the Republican primaries and eventually went with a harder paraffin wax to hold up under the heat of the studio klieg lights.
“After the election, she went back to a softer, bee’s wax blend, and that was part of the problem — it is not meant to withstand something as severe as the heat from a wildfire.
“Going forward, she should be fine, as long as she avoids direct sunlight and stays aways from television studio lights.”
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