Vogue Editor Who Mocked FLOTUS Attacked, Beaten With Ugly Stick!

VEN (NEW YORK) —  Formerly stunning Vogue Fashion Editor Lynn Yaeger — who snarked that First Lady Melania Trump’s “towering pointy-toed snakeskin heels” were “better suited to a shopping afternoon on Madison Avenue or a girls’ luncheon at La Grenouille,” than witnessing flood relief in Texas — was viciously attacked by a masked dwarf on 5th Avenue Tuesday afternoon, and beaten repeatedly with a large, gnarled, ugly stick which the tiny perpetrator dropped before fleeing in a black 500-series Mercedes with Massachusetts plates.

“The changes may be irreversible,” Dr Valabedian — Chief of Cosmetic Surgery at Jacobi Medical Center where Ms Yaeger was taken after the assault — explained to reporters at an hastily-held press conference  late Tuesday night.

“Unfortunately it’s a very strong spell. We may need a wizard or a magic dwarf  or a whole coven of witches with superior powers to break it, if that’s even possible.  Essentially, this once stunningly gorgeous woman was turned into — for lack of a better word —  a frog.”

Meanwhile,  a subdued — yet still coquettish — Ms Yaeger was resting comfortably with friends in a private room at  La Grenouille in flats, dressed in a chiffon print evening gown and matching Roy Lichtenstein-inspired purse from Guido Cavelcanti’s now discontinued Putanesca Collection