Man Who Transitioned To Queen Bee Misses His Honey

VEN (OREGON) — Cal Preston, a local Portland bee keeper, became obsessed with his bees to the point of gathering nectar on Q-Tips  and sleeping next to his hives for months on end even in the dead of winter until finally — according to his ex-wife Oksana — he came to her five years ago covered in bees and told her he was species and sexually dysphoric and had decided to transition to a Queen Bee.

“He want to borrow pair of stiletto heel, to feel more ‘regal’. I tell him bees not wear the shoe, crazy man, let alone Manolo Blahnik’s!  I not come all way from Ukraine to be wife of bee!  We have the pre-nup!

“He get angry, bees get angry, so I spray them little with the RAID and they back off.  Then I call lawyer and file for divorce!”

Now the former CIS-gendered man known legally as Queen Meliflula Preston is having second thoughts.

“I miss Denny’s.  I miss my wife. Five years of royal jelly is wrecking my teeth, but no dentist will see me.

“I have no friends anymore, and everywhere I go I have to take the whole hive with me.

“It makes driving impossible.  I’ve been banned from public transportation, and Uber drivers — when they see me — they just keep on going.

“I’ve been shunned.  The town treats me like I was a Trump voter!

“And the constant buzzing is driving me crazy!  It’s ten times worse than tinnitus!  And laying all these bee eggs 24/7 — Jesus, it’s f***ing KILLING me!”

Developing . . . .