VEN (SWITZERLAND) — The Swiss chocolate maker who smacked his head on a marble slab in a freak tempering accident, after slipping in a puddle of warm ganache, awoke from a two-month coma Sunday, demanding to know why his wife Charo was not at his bedside and insisting that he be released immediately, since he was over two hours late for an appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
“He could no longer speak German or French, only Spanish and broken English,” a doctor familiar with the case told VEN, “and insisted that he was the deceased band leader, Xavier Cugat.
I am the man who invented the mambo in 1932 at the Hotel Florida in Havana at 3:45 in the afternoon, he kept screaming. And now that marano Arsenio Rodríguez is trying to take credit for it!
“When his nurse told him he was Franz Mueller, Ragusa’s Master Chocolatier, he became very agitated, accusing the hospital staff of conspiring with his ex wives to keep him from realizing his life dream of replacing “el gringo fagatino gordo” Paul Lynde in the coveted Center Square on Hollywood Squares.
“Then he he stood up in is bed, pulled out his IVs, and screamed: Not even that melted watch painting fool Dali has had such an honor as the Center Square!”