Pretending To Help Trump Full-Time Job, Ryan Claims

VEN (WASHINGTON) —  Uniparty Speaker Paul Ryan told reporters Wednesday that although passive-aggressiveness is nothing new to him, it’s getting harder and harder to mask his true intentions.

“Year in, year out, I don’t know how Talleyrand did it.  The guy was amazing!”

After revealing earlier this year that he and fellow Republicans in Congress had no viable alternative to ObamaCare — although they’ve been voting to repeal it for seven years — Mr Ryan now contends that tax reform may be a bridge too far as well.

“This is not something Wall Street or the Donor Class is interested in at this time.  So my job is to make it look like we tried, hold a lot of press conferences and meetings with the President, while not really doing anything.

“The President is quickly learning that Washington is not a place where people govern; it’s a place where people make a lot of money making a lot of money for the people who make a lot of money.  No one’s trying to do what’s right here (laughs).   Mr Trump should understand that — and at some level I think he does.

“Let’s not forget that he was on the other side of the game for most of his life.  Politicians in the so-called swamp made a lot of money for Donald Trump.  And that’s not a game he’s got any chance of ending.

“Take Obamacare, for example.   That was all Kabuki Theatre.  It was time to throw some money at Big Pharma and the insurance companies, so we had to make it look like A.) Obama was helping people, and B.) Republicans were opposed to helping people.  That created the all imporant drama that made everyone look the wrong way (laughs).  You guys need to turn your telescopes around to see what’s really going on!

“Look, there’s only one rule in Washington — keep the game going.  You do that, you do it well — you keep the right guys happy, you block the guys who don’t get it — and  you get to make an awful lot of money here, (laughs).  And I mean an AWFUL lot of money!”