VEN Business — Before the ink was dry on the WHOLE FOODS deal, Jeff “The Krazy Kahzarian” Bezos has acquired the privately owned Mary Kay Cosmetics for a rumored 8.7 billion in cash and stock.
“Jeff wants to revolutionize the personalized cosmetics industry,” a senior Wall Street analyst told VEN.
“Look for drone delivery, robotic consultants doing real-time online beauty consults 24/7, an initial roll-back on pricing, exclusive Mary Kay package deals on Amazon Prime, and must have essentials like your lip glosses/massacres/eyeliners mass-merchandized next to the new self-checkout kiosks at WHOLE FOODS.
“In Jeff’s vision, the last thing consumers want is an overpriced, fixed-expense fallible human being assisting them. And nowhere is this more true, Jeff believes, than cosmetics.
“I mean how many times have you walked into Macy’s and had someone dressed like a bee spray you with some awful cologne? Or had to deal with the frustration of your favorite beauty consultant being moved to fragrances because she “aged out”?
“Robots don’t age out. They don’t expect company matches for 401(k)s — hell, they don’t even HAVE 401(k)s — they don’t need health insurance, they don’t take vacations or maternity leave, and best of all — if they ever break down — they have replaceable parts!
“Women get that.
“In Jeff’s new model, you go to your Mary Kay account in the Amazon cloud, you configure your device’s camera, and then BOOM faster than you can say Shiseido , you get instant professional robotic beauty advice based on the same proprietary big-data cognitive AI Amazon provides to the NSA and the Mossad!
“The guy’s a genius!”