ESPN Introduces Fantasy Islam

VEN (Hartford) — Alleged sports network ESPN set to add new Fantasy Islam offering to their wildly popular Fantasy Game lineup.

In one variant, players choose a Western country,  draft mosques, and accumulate points muslim attacks europefor the number of Islamic immigrants that enter the player’s country and the types of crimes they commit in the name of Islam, including (but not limited to) murders, rapes,  IED attacks, suicide bombings, beheadings, honor killings, FGM, machete attacks, general mayhem, and the abuse of dogs.  The season runs from the Hajj to Ramadan.

In the second, shorter variant — designed for beginners —  players draft liberal and conservative politicians in Western countries.  Points are awarded for encouraging Islamic immigration, open borders,  observing but TerrorismMap-e1421613211309not moving against terrorist cells, downplaying the threat that Islam poses to the West, and attacking concerned citizens and labeling them Islamophobes. Points are subtracted for the converse.  The goal is to balance a Marine Le Pen or Nigel Farage, for example, with a Macron,  an Obama,  a Pope Francis, or an Angela Merkel.  The season runs from Christmas to Easter.