KNN (PENTAGON) — Senior military advisors, tasked with accelerating plans for the invasion of Greenland, expect nothing less than a shock and awe blitzkrieg campaign reminiscent of Guderian in Poland and France, Patton’s race to Berlin, and MacArthur’s epic Inchon landing.
But why Greenland?
DO YOU REMEMBER? “I ain’t got no quarrel with the Greenlander,” Muhammad Ali famously said in 1966, refusing to serve in the US Army during the Vietnam War. The World Champion Boxer was concerned about rumors reported in the Washington Post and New York Times that the US was preparing to launch an amphibious assault on Greenland, as Lyndon Johnson sought to divert attention from Southeast Asia. Ali, who called himself The Greatest, saw no point in being a part of such a pointless undertaking, and was subsequently stripped of his title.
According to sources close to the President, it all began in 1963, when a young, dashing Donald Trump asked Princess Margrethe of Denmark to his junior prom at the New York Military Academy. Four years older than Trump, and a student at the London School of Economics at the time, the Princess graciously declined.
Trump was devastated.
“He never recovered from what he considered a terrible slight,” someone self-identifying as a former classmate at NYMA told KNN. “And he vowed that if he ever had the good fortune to become President of the United States, he would invade Greenland to get back at her!”
The Pentagon refused to comment on this story.