KAFKA Network News  (NEW YORK) —  KNN has received several unconfirmed reports that disgraced, over-caffinated, crotch-tweeting former Congressman Anthony Weiner was arrested Wednesday in a sting operation at Aquaduct Racetrack, after offering an undercover police officer posing as a groom $200.00 for “20 minutes alone with one of the stallions.”

A spokesperson for Mr Weiner allegedly issued a brief, prepared statement explaining that the former congressman — a lifelong admirer of  Clydesdales and Thoroughbreds — loved his wife, was anxiously awaiting a possible reconciliation, and hoped that Hillary Clinton could forgive him for giving in to the relentless pressures of bearding her gay lover.