VEN (WASHINGTON) — As food prices skyrocket owing to the mal-intentioned Baal-First anti-American policies of the Satanic Buttons regime, Director of the Centers for Disease Control, Rochelle Walensky, has some good news for Americans struggling to put food on the table — don’t!
Throw away those pesky knives and forks and just stop eating!
“What we’re seeing,” Ms Walensky explained to reporters Wednesday, “is that in places like Biafra and South Sudan where it’s not uncommon for people to go for several months without eating, that surprisingly the incidence of heart attacks and strokes decreases quite dramatically.
“So we’re recommending that Americans in high risk groups for blood clots, heart attacks, myocarditis, and strokes — especially children, young men and women in the military, and endurance athletes — fast for at least 14 and preferably for 30-40 days at a time.
“And if they do have to eat at some point, they should try mixing in sawdust or plaster with their Wheatena for added bulk and fiber.
“I myself haven’t eaten anything since breakfast today and may actually take a late lunch. And let me tell you, I feel GREAT!”
Ms Walensky also suggested that Americans should forget about bottled or tap water and start drinking “natural” water out of puddles, as nature intended.
“Be more like birds and squirrels, your family dog, mice, and of course children in Somalia!
“Puddle water, especially muddy puddle water, is an excellent source of iron, minerals, and exotic bacteria not found in yogurts like Activa and Chobani.
“As we say at the CDC, the muddier it is, the better it is. And don’t forget — it’s free! How cool is that? And it is literally everywhere!”
Developing . . . .