VEN (WASHINGTON) — Joe Biden, perhaps the dumbest senator in the history of dumb senators, and who many believe is suffering from profound and irreversible dementia (which his supporters vehemently deny) told a predominantly black audience in Kenosha Thursday that a black man invented the light bulb, cherry cologne, mentholated cigarettes, flat-screen TVs, Chinese Checkers, and one-and-a-half-hour Martinizing, and that not only were these remarkable achievements being covered up — but worse! — they were being attributed to white men!
“When we when Jill when Jill and I even before that, a long time ago, OK? When we were, when all of us here who the folks who, the white folks. Guys like me, OK? When we were living in caves. People of color had this Wonka Land paradise! Where Detroit, I’m sorry like Detroit. Only newer! The first place. You know the story! With chocolate! Who ever heard of chocolate before that! And candy? I’ll tell you who, OK, not even the, the, the Pope!”
Meanwhile in South Carolina President Trump encouraged his supporters to vote twice, once by mail and if they somehow determined that their vote wasn’t counted, a second time in person.
“A lot of smart, very smart people tell me that, that voting twice is not, that if you want to, actually, in many cases especially important cases. Big cases, the biggest, really, and what could be bigger than a presidential election! And just look at them back there — the fake media, they won’t tell you this, because they are doing a terrible disservice to our country. So terrible. But that’s OK, because — such a disservice — we’re wining anyway, OK?”
VEN reached out to world-renown expert in Presidential Election Fabulism, Dr Eric Berne for his take on what exactly is going on.
“Both of these men are clearly out of their minds,” Dr Berne explained, “so it’s really a question of what you get in the larger package.
“With Biden you get essentially four more years of Obama, and all that that entails. I mean that’s the bottom line. If you like that, go for it!
“With Trump, you get a kind of frenetic Obama light with jingoism, tax breaks that fuel the deficit, more unrestrained omnibus spending bills that he refuses to veto, maybe the negative interest rates he keeps pushing for so savers are crushed, shameless pandering to black voters, prison reform, and more Law and Order bumper sticker tweets while cities continue to burn and riots are breaking out all over America while he monitors and basically does nothing.
“But he’s not Obama. Especially on the ridiculous tail-wagging-dog social issues that have marginalized the left. And of course he continues to embarrass the MSM and point out that they’re nothing more than shills for the DNC, while continuously — despite his many flaws — throwing sand into the venal Anti-American Deep State machine.
“And overall that’s Trump’s biggest appeal, which despite the ADHD nature of his dysfunctional administration is very compelling to a lot of patriotic Americans.”
VERY ERSATZ NEWS 