VEN (WASHINGTON) — In a shocking move late Sunday confirming Progressives’ worse fears, Chief Justice John Roberts announced that the Supreme Court would be taking up Roe v Wade and Brown v Board of Education with the intent of reversing both decisions, citing “lack of compelling precedent in the US Constitution” to support the rulings.
“We had to wait,” the Chief Justice explained to reporters early Monday, “until we had a conservative majority on the Court. And now with the appointment of Brett Kavanaugh we have that majority!”
One former clerk for the recently retired Judge Kennedy — whose seat on the court was filled by Brett Kavanaugh in one of the most contentious confirmations in US history — explained that this is just the beginning.
“There is strong sentiment on the court — and not just with the conservative justices — that the 1857 Taney Supreme Court got the Dred Scott decision right, a decision that was effectively negated by the hastily conceived 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments, which the Roberts court will also seek to overturn.”
And that’s not all!
Incredibly, despite the presence — or perhaps BECAUSE of the presence — of three women on the nation’s highest court, VEN has learned that the SCOTUS will also look into abolishing the 19th amendment, granting women the right to vote.
“They’re moody, irrational, and they hold grudges. They really shouldn’t be voting in federal elections or — God help us! — sitting on the highest court in the land!” one Senior District judge told VEN.
“They should be home cleaning or working as nurses or librarians.
“The last thing they should be doing is going to law school or adjudicating cases in courtrooms of any kind.
“I don’t even want them settling disputes between children!
“My own wife of 30 years still can’t decide what restaurant to go to, and she couldn’t balance a check book at gun point.
“But at 55, she still looks great in a little black dress! That should be enough for them! They don’t need to complicate their lives with things like voting or trying to remember case law or — God forbid — being fair.
“In fact I believe Samuel Johnson said it best when he remarked, A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.”
Developing . . . .