VEN (Ashlar) — A furious General Thade excoriated Roseanne Barr on Twitter Tuesday for comparing his mentor — Valerie Jarrett — to her Planet of the Apes superficial look-alike and his unrequited love interest, Ari Sandar.

“Ari is kind, merciful, and caring — the complete opposite of VJ and myself!

“Before I massacre anyone or betray my country, I always ask myself — what would VJ do?  Am I being treacherous enough?  Am I being heartless enough?  Cruel enough?  Dishonest enough?

“And am I making as many ordinary working class people suffer as much as I possibly can to advance a foreign agenda?

“If the answer is no, I  stop immediately and redouble my efforts!”

Meanwhile, anonymous sources inside the Iranian theocracy tell VEN‘s Senior Fifth Column Correspondent Robert Jordan, that it’s an open secret in Tehran that Valerie Jarrett is the love child of her American mother, Barbara T. Bowman,  and Sayyid Ruhollah Mūsavi Khomeini, better known to Americans  as the radical Shiite imam The Ayatollah Khomeini, who came to power in 1979, after the overthrow of the unpopular American-backed Shah of Iran,  Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, who —  incredibly — was also linked romantically to Ms Jarrett’s mother!

“Although you will not hear this in the West, many Iranian scholars believe it was this tragic, star-crossed love triangle between Khomeini, the Shah, and Barbara T. Bowman that fomented the revolution that brought the Ayatollah to power!

“And therein lies the connection between Ms Jarrett, Iran, and the Muslim Brotherhood, who happily arranged romantic trysts for the Ayatollah and Barbara T. Bowman at the Crillon and Ritz hotels in Paris, when the Ayatollah was living in exile in Neauphle-le-Château.

“To pass the time while the Ayatollah and her mother were otherwise engaged, the Brotherhood members  would give the young Valerie fresh figs,  honey infused teas, and teach her how to use a hookah while having her dance and read to them from the Koran.”

Developing . . . .