VEN (PALO ALTO) — After a malfunctioning autopilot feature on a TESLA Model X caused a fatal crash in Mountain View 10 days ago, researchers now contend that TESLA’s controversial autopilot feature may actually be more dangerous than the worst hazards on the road — women and Asians drivers!
How much more dangerous? At least 10 times, according to the The Insurance Institute of Highway Safety.
“We’ve all seen the pretty texting female driver putting on her maschera oblivious to her surroundings, steering with her knee and swerving between lanes more times than we care to recall.
“Or the over-cautious Asian driver, hunched over the steering wheel, hands locked in a 10:00/2:00 death grasp, while going 20 miles below the speed limit in the fast lane who suddenly and for no reason slams on his brakes causing a massive pileup.
“Or the cat lady who brakes for squirrels.
“TESLA’s autopilot feature actually makes them look safer than your high school driver’s ed instructor!
“Unfortunately, we can’t prohibit Asians and women from driving, but we can and did file a brief with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) asking them to ban autopilot cars until we can figure out what’s going on.”
Not so fast, says women’s advocate Missy Franklin, author of SUVs, Cell Phones, and Multiplication Tables — The Unrelenting War On Women, who argues that TESLA’s autopilot feature is just the latest in a long list of misogynistic devices designed to kill and maim women.
“It started years ago with SUVs and then all-wheel drive cars in the ice and snow.
“Center of gravity? Newton’s Laws of Motion? Seriously? I change my outfit at least three times every morning, and I’m always running late. Now I have to learn physics so I won’t kill myself?”
Transgendered celebrity Chaz Bono agrees.
“When I was a woman, I used to crash my Escalade all the time. I slammed into more cars on icy streets than I care to remember, and rolled it over twice making sharp turns at high-speed.
“But all that changed when I became a man. Sexual reassignment surgery literally saved my life. Not to mention I could suddenly solve problems all by myself, get things off of high shelves, and — most incredible of all — open jars for the first time in my life!”
Developing . . . .