VEN (WASHINGTON) — Attorney General Jeff Sessions, known affectionately to friends and colleagues as Washington’s Little Big Man, caught everyone off guard Thursday, by recusing his original recusal from the Russian investigation only to re-recuse himself several hours later.
Charlie C. Hinemann, a senior aide to Mr Sessions and DOJ spokesperson, explained to reporters that it was all just one big, unfortunate misunderstanding.
“Bloss velly solly. Rost his grasses. Make BLIG mistrake! Tell Cholley, Oh Maglue! Ylou dlonn it laglen!”
Outraged Democrats — led by Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) — were quick to condemn Mr Hinemann’s remarks and appearance as offensive, and called on Mr Sessions to fire his senior aide for being a “walking, talking racist stereotype.”
“I’ve had several Chinese houseboys over the years,” an exasperated Mr Schumer told reporters. “And let me tell you — unless we were putting on a clothing-optional production of the Mikado in my den when my wife was visiting her mother — they looked nothing like this man!”
Echoing Mr Schumer’s remarks, a furious Elizabeth Warren called for both Mr Hinemann and Mr Sessions to resign, “for misappropriating and defaming an entire race of people for what looks like — as far as I can tell — some sort of bad joke at the expense of a proud, indigenous people!”
A defiant Mr Hinemann issued a brief statement reminding the Senators that tolerance is a two-way street:
“OOOOOOH Meesah Magloo, a forring pliano! Solly, Senators, brut that’s how Cholley tralk and rook! Srow troo brad for you! Just dreal rith it!”
Developing . . . .