VEN (SACRAMENTO) — After binge-watching the first two seasons of Californication and  reviewing impassioned petitions from La Raza,  NAMBLA, and the Archdiocese of Los Angeles,   California Governor Jerry Brown announced late Sunday that he will immediately introduce legislation lowering the age of consent from 18 to 13, unless a parent or guardian provides notarized written consent or the minor child has a SAG card, in which case the age of consent will be lowered to 11.

The so-called “Jerry Lee Lewis Law” was hailed as a “great victory” by Guy Woodhouse,  close friend and spokesperson for child rapist director Roman Polanski.

At a press conference outside his vacation home in Ibiza,  an elated Mr Woodhouse told reporters Monday that Mr Polanski was “thrilled” by this development, and is now very much looking forward to returning to Hollywood to make more movies with little girls.

José H. Gómez, the current Archbishop of Los Angeles and technical consultant on the controversial indie film The True Confessions of Altared Boys, currently under development in Tijuana, said the proposed legislation — while a good beginning —  did not go far enough.

“I know from personal experience that many 8-year old boys look at least 13, and I would hate to see anyone — especially someone high on meth or cocaine who has just huffed a popper — go to prison for making a tragic mistake.”

Developing . . . .