Mrs Obama’s Diary

Dear Diary,

Barry off somewhere’s with hiz lay-test (lol) Cauly McCulken white boy he find in Lafayette Park, so look like is just you and me again anna big ole bucket Popeye’s, if y’all know what I  talkin bout! ;-)

I love that sh!t!

Got Al Green on Pandora.  Lotta good that’ll do me!  Ima need get me a little Huma boy, like the Hildabeast!

Val not dropping by today.  So looks like more weed for me, Diary, lol!

Was gonna show her the new way Ima tape by junk back so as not to  look so much like a man the next time I dance with Ellen (who — Oprah tole me — is on the down low herself!  We all queer!  So damn funny!)

I ask for extra gravy,  Diary, but they give me cole slaw instead.  This is the second time this happen!  Damn!  I f***ing hate cole slaw!

Now y’all give me big ole bucket Ossetra caviar an a big ass basket toast points!  Y’all talkin now!  An some RingDings!  Michael be lovin RingDings!  Y’all can go f*** yerself, waistline!  How you be likin  that?  Uh-Huh — you know what? Ima eat me another one!

Diary,  y’all know what I like to do after couple bottles Cristal anna big ole glassa Lean?  Course you do!  Can you say Crispy Creme?  Lean and Crispy Creme!  Ima like the big bitch ass ones filled with pudding!  Wish I had some now!

Nothing on TV as usual.

Spent ten hours with Derrick yesterday!  I do not know how RuPaul does it!

Did y’all know, Diary,  y’all can eat cookie dough right out the muthaf***in  can?   Y’all jess bang that bitch onna table and BAM! out come the dough!

Why ain’t the Pillsbury Doughboy a black man?  In this day an age!  Ima talka Al bout that. I mean he look like he transitioning, but we need more powerful black food images.

Diary, did y’all know that you can make a bacon grease sammich with Skittles?  Sounds fu**in nuts, I know, but it taste great!  Ima get Inez make me one right now!

Damn!  Where that bitch at?!  She don’t get her fat unwise Latina ass in her right now, she gone be dreamin for real this time — bout another job, lol!

Later, Diary.  Ima love y’all to death!

— Michael!