To Combat Rising Crime, Merkel Touts “Bundes Burkas” For All German Women!

VEN (KABUL) — After establishing her new provisional German capital in Afghanistan, German Chancellor Angela Merkel is calling for German women to adopt a new Hugo Boss-designed  Bundes Burka, in an effort to make themselves less attractive to migrants intent upon rape, molestation, and rapine.

“Why unnecessarily empassion the blood of our replacement population,” Ms Merkel asked on German TV Thursday, “when you can easily remove that temptation by wearing a chic, updated version of the  time-honored Burka that woman all over the Islamic world have cherished for centuries!

burka“Why, even the world-famous American Barbie Doll wears a burka now!

“And I can tell you with complete conviction that if  Der blaue Engel  were made today,  you can be sure that  von Sternberg would dress Marlena Dietrich’s Lola in a Bundes Burka and she would look stunning!

“I myself have worn a  Bundes Burka for three months now, and in all that time I have never ONCE  been looked at by a German man, let alone a migrant!

“Used in concert with our many designated safe spaces, the Bundes Burka will ensure a less traumatic transition to our inevitable Islamic assimilation, while our migrant replacement population continues to grow!  As your Chancellor, this I promise you!”