Fighting Irish Head Coach Fined For Illegal Use Of Hands In Miami Rough Trade Sexcapade?

VEN (SOUTH BEND) — University Of Notre Dame refused to comment on reports Sunday that head football coach Brian Kelly and athletic director Jack Swarbrick were discovered naked, bound and gagged, and suffering from minor contusions and abrasions in a suite at the Hilton Cabana Miami Beach Hotel Friday night, after guests heard muffled cries emanating from the room and called security to investigate.

According to anonymous sources, an innocent game of strip poker between the two men — a pre-game ritual when the team is on the road — quickly got out of hand when Mr Swarbrick mistakenly used his Grindr app to place a room service order.

Developing . . . .