Hillary To Puerto Rican Hurricane Victims — Si Se Puede!

VEN (NEW YORK) — “Shocked, saddened, and dismayed” by the horrendous destruction in Puerto Rico caused by Hurricane Maria, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told reporters Friday that she is offering Puerto Ricans a 10% Amazon discount coupon on her latest book What Happened, as long as they can provide proof that they actually live on the island and not in Spanish Harlem, Miami, or Lawrence, Massachusetts.

Additionally,  if hurricane survivors can somehow make it to one of her book signings in the United States before October 10, Mrs Clinton is offering a special Maria VIP Ticket for only 1200.00 USD that includes a Clinton 2016 umbrella and a pair of We’re With Her plastic boxer shorts, size XXL.

“I want to say once again how proud I am of having worked so hard as Secretary of State to have hurricanes named after Latinas,” Mrs Clinton told VEN’s Senior Political Correspondent José Arcadio Buendía at her book signing Thursday in the Allentown COSTCO Dairy Aisle.

Mrs Clinton also denied rumors that of the 300,000 copies of her book sold to date, 220,000 copies were bought by Saudi Arabia and the remaining 80,000 by ExxonMobil, Libya, China, and the Ukraine.

Developing . . . .