VEN (NIGERIA) — Achike Motumbo shot his wife five times with a paintball gun after her snoring kept him awake for 21 days in a row. In his sleep-deprived state Mr Motumbo told authorities he believed the paintball gun was a bazooka.
“I’m glad he did it!” a neighbor told reporters. “She was a catastrophe to the village! No one could get any sleep! Her snoring was actually attracting elephants! No one was safe at night!
“During the day, everyone was walking around like zombies! Traffic accidents increased at an alarming rate. People stopped using spell checker on their Spanish Prisoner emails. The whole village was suffering. She actually snored the siding off our village bakery, causing it to collapse! It was terrifying!”
Mrs Motumbo’s injuries were not life-threatening, and she is recovering in a sound-proof room in the Lagos University Teaching Hospital.