VEN (ROME) — Luigi Valentini, a 75-year-old former carpenter from Abruzzi, was acquitted Friday on attempted murder charges, after he shot his wife of 50 years twice in the right shoulder when she tried — for the second time in two weeks — to serve him Spaghetti alla Carbonara made with Egg Beaters and turkey bacon.
“Even the priest said it was a sin,” Senior Valentini said through an interpreter. “Guanciale, fresh eggs, black pepper, pecorino romano, and spaghetti. Questo è tutto! Why should I eat like a Turk at my age?
“She was a wonderful wife until she discovered Facebook and Twitter. Now, she plays something called Sudoku all day, and tells me pork and eggs are bad for me. A man can only take so much.
“As I told the judge — I regret nothing! I was aiming for her heart!”