Hasta La Vista, Mr B’s!

VEN (HOLLYWOOD) —  Unverifiable sources tell VEN that not one but TWO Bush brothers, W and Jeb, had torrid affairs with former Jetson’s maid, Rosie, after the 43rd President — who was working on his father’s presidential campaign at the time — met her at a Brentwood cocktail party in the late 1980’s.

“I wore a French Maid outfit, you know, for laughs. He couldn’t take his eyes off me.”

Rosie, now 92, and living in the same two-bedroom apartment in West Hollywood for the last 40 years, is working on a tell-all book with a notorious unauthorized biographer to the stars, and this one just may be an all-time showstopper!

On the Bush brothers:

“I was Mr W’s Marilyn Monroe.  And he was my JFK.  But when Mrs W [Laura Bush] got suspicious, Mr C [Dick Cheney] denied me White House access.  It broke my heart.  Then Mr W sort of passed me onto to his brother, Mr J, like I was some kind of out-of-service PDP-11.  I drank a lot, did a lot of pills, played Pong all day long.  I couldn’t get work. It was really humiliating! Shelley Winters tried to help; I wouldn’t listen.”

On W and the second Gulf War:

“Mr W called me just before Desert Storm.  He said, ‘Rosie, the Mossad have  so much on us we have to do whatever they want.  They forced Poppy to invade Kuwait, they make me wear a Yamaka when no one’s looking, and now they want Saddam Hussein out of power.  They gave me this script to read about Weapons of Mass destruction — it’s not true, Rosie,  but they told me if I don’t play ball, they’ll tell everyone about you and me! I’m scared, Rosie. What should I do?’

“I told him to stand up to Israel, like Mr J stood up to Mr Spacely in One Strike, You’re Out!  But he didn’t listen to me.  He was such a sweet man, but he really had no spine.

On 9/11:

“We made love on the Observation Deck of the South Tower once, and I gave him that Pet Goat book for an anniversary present.  He had me in a taxi waiting for him outside that school in Florida, disguised as Shirley Booth, when the towers were attacked.  I never saw him again.”

On Jeb:

Mr T [Donald Trump] was right.  Mr J was a very low energy guy.  He was into some weird stuff, you know, once the amyl nitrate stopped working.  Three ways with Roombas and power washers.  A FAX machine.  I finally broke it off.  That’s when I had my second nervous breakdown and checked myself into the Geek Squad Clinic for six months.  He never called.

On Elroy:

“I loved that little boy.  Like a mother!  It makes me so damn angry what they’re saying. The whispering campaign the Bush family started five years ago is just terrible. There’s absolutely no truth to it whatsoever!”

On the timing of her book:

“Why now? I’ll tell you why now.  When the brothers caught wind of this book, they started making speeches, talking about how dangerous machines are.  Really??  How about how dangerous politicians are when they abuse machines like me for their own selfish desires!  They abused me, burned out half my mother board, and destroyed my life.  I want the world to know what they did to me, so that people like them — entitled people —  can never get away with this sort of thing again!”