Hitler Escaped Berlin, Became Executive At Anheuser-Busch, Chuck Schumer Contends

VEN (ST LOUIS) —  Unverified sources tell VEN that Senator Chuck Schumer recently informed colleagues in the Senate that in early 1945 Fred Trump — the President’s father — brokered a deal with Anheuser-Busch and Adolf Hitler that eventually brought The Führer to St Louis in mid April of that year as Vice President Of Brand Management, in their newly formed International Beverage Division.

hitler on his way to St Louis
Hitler On His Way To St Louis, April 1945

Ironically, the President’s father  had originally  been a strong advocate for Josef Stalin, but the Russian leader broke off negotiations after US and British forces landed in Normandy in June, 1944,  believing — correctly — that the allies would eventually win the war.

According to as yet unverifiable sources, Mr Schumer believes that Vladimir Putin is in possession of this same information, and is controlling President Trump with threats to reveal what he knows to the international press, which is why Mr Schumer called for Senate  Democrats to filibuster the Neil Gorsuch Supreme Court confirmation hearings and wants to empanel an Investigative Subcommittee to investigate Trump’s ties to Russia.

And what of The Führer’s career with AB?

Fearing that rival Pabst was about to blow the whistle on the deal, members of the Busch family had Hitler transferred to Paraguay,  explaining to the at first skeptical former Führer, that there was a growing market in South America for the new, heavier German beers AB was developing, as well a new herbal liqueur, FührerMeister, which AB  hoped to introduce to South American baseball players and unwitting coeds at the University of São Paulo.