If You’ve Got Shoppin’ on Your Mind, Tell Me Now, Get It Over!

VEN (WASHINGTON) — Pixilated  Haitian-American White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre created a tiny sensation earlier this week when she referred to the Nord Stream pipeline as the Nordstrom One pipeline, in what many were calling an unfortunate Freudian slip which may have momentarily set back fourth wave feminism as far back as wave two.

But Miss Jean-Pierre didn’t stop there.

On Thursday, explaining why President Buttons copied statements from a cheat card into the Condolence’s Book for Queen Elizabeth, Miss Jean-Pierre referred to the late Queen Elizabeth II as “beloved Queen Elizabeth Arden”, and then went on to deny rumors that President Buttons would be addressing both the British “House of Lord and Taylors.”

But wait — there’s more!

While discussing Secretary of State Blinken’s surprise trip to the Ukraine to give away additional American taxpayer money, a resolute Miss Jean-Pierre — determined to one-plus her hat-trick — referred to the embattled Secretary of State as “Secretary BlingBling”. 

So what exactly is going on here?

One anonymous White House official told VEN‘s Senior Consumer Affairs Correspondent Ronald  Popeil that Miss Jean-Pierre — who grew up poor in the  Queens Village neighborhood of Queens and had to share her only pair of shoes with an aunt and two younger siblings —  recently upgraded her cable subscription and has been spending her “very limited free time” doing Haitian yoga while watching The Shopping Channel, Gem Shopping Network, and QVC.

“Look, she’s not decompensating, OK?   She just likes to shop.”

Developing . . . .