Trump Only Draws 12 Thousand In NH As Re-election Hopes Fade!

VEN (MANCHESTER) — Thousands of Trump supporters were allegedly turned away from the SNHU Arena Thursday night, after the President’s controversial adviser and former #NeverTrumper Kellyanne Conway claimed the venue had reached it’s “capacity,” a claim disputed by SNHU officials.trump-nh

“There were only maybe 11-12 thousand people inside, and at least 100 empty seats by my count,” site manager Rene LeBlanc told reporters. “We get at least twice that amount for the annual Poutine Festival!”

When pressed for the accuracy of his figures by the NY Times, Mr LeBlanc — a life-long Democrat who in 2010 burned his apartment complex down while grilling in his garage during a snowstorm– admitted that math was not his strong point.

“People look smaller when they’re seated, so sure I guess maybe I could be off by — I don’t know — 8 or 9 thousand.  It’s hard to say.  But I can tell you this — most of these people, they were from Montreal!”trump-nh-rally

Pepe “Chico” Sanchez — an undocumented immigrant from Honduras living in Lawrence, MA who was protesting the event — told VEN‘s Senior Political Venue Correspondent H.S Thompson — that he would never vote for Trump, who — an angry Mr Sanchez claimed — “wants to take me and my family off of welfare and shoot us! And my pretend wife who is pregnant now with our anchor baby!  Que va! What kind of man is this?!  Why no free everything for me and others like me?  What kind of devil would do these things? Madre de Dios! I don’t like him a lot!”

ct-met-dahleen-glanton-joe-biden-stacey-abrams-ticket-20190315MSNBC‘s Joy Reid and her guest, the imaginary Governor of Georgia Stacey Abrams, worried that Trump was importing neo-Nazis from Austria, Germany, and parts of Western Pennsylvania to make his rallies appear well-attended, which reminded Ms Abrams of an episode of Star Trek that had a profound and long-lasting influence on her life, but whose title and plot line she was unfortunately  — owing to her recent election trauma — unable to recall.

“This man this racist white supremacist man wants take away my corn dogs,  my pork rinds,  my red beans and rice, and as if that is not bad enough, my twizzlers and sweet potato pies!”

“We must stop him before he turns America into another Mar-a-Lago!”

Developing . . . .