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VEN (WASHNGTON, DC) — Just back from the Campfire Girls Junior Jamboree in Rock Creek Park, Maryland — where she was crowned Miss Campfire 2025 — White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters late Wednesday that President Trump has appointed the head of the Gede family of lwa, Baron Samedi, as his new economic advisor.

Renown for his ability to mediate between the living and the dead, Mr Samedi — who chairs the Department of Voodoo Economics at the prestigious Institut des Sciences des Technologies et des Etudes Avancées d’Haiti — will initially function as liaison between Tariff Tsar Peter Navarro and the late William McKinley, whose Tariff Act of 1890, designed to secure reciprocal trade, almost destroyed the American economy, crashed the stock market, and put an end to the gilded age, although President Harrison — who championed the tariff — oddly enough referred to it at the time as “more winning for America.”

Why bring in Mr Samedi, senior advisors wondered, when there were plenty of Voodoo Economics experts already hard at work in the Trump administration?

According to anonymous White House sources, as criticism of the President’s incomprehensible ever-changing tariff program intensified, Chief of Staff Susie Wiles hid the President’s smart phone and placed a copy of Tariffs for Dummies on  his night stand.

Unfortunately for Ms Wiles, since the number of words in the book far outpaced the number of pictures and diagrams — which discouraged the President from reading the book — presidential advisor and autistic genius Elon Musk suggested they use AI to create an audio book using the voice of the late actor James Earl Jones.

What happened next no one could have predicted.

As an anonymous White House staffer told VEN‘s Senior Tariff Correspondent Justin Smith Morrill, “apparently while listening to the audio book, Mr Trump became bored and turned on his TV to watch Turner Classic Movies, which was airing Live and Let Die.

“Mistakenly believing the film to be a documentary, Mr Trump became transfixed by the Geoffrey Holder character, thought it was he who was narrating Tariffs for Dummies, and in a highly agitated state had Ms Wiles call Secretary of State Marco Rubio insisting that Mr Rubio go to Haiti, find Baron Samedi, and hire him immediately.

“Mr Trump also insisted that Mr Rubio use the embassy staff in Port Au Prince to locate Solitaire, determine if she might be interested in becoming ambassador to his new golf resort in Qatar, and while waiting for the resort to be built, would she consider just hanging around the pool at Mar-a-Largo in a bikini driving Mrs Trump crazy.”

Developing . . . .