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VEN (WASHINGTON, DC) — According to anonymous White House sources, after the President’s BB Bill stalled in the House earlier in the week, an angry Mr Trump called House Speaker Mike Johnson late Thursday and told him to start adding tax rebates to make it easier and more affordable for American women “to get the beauty treatments they need.”

“I discussed this with Prime Minister Netanyahu,” Mr Trump told reporters Friday, “and we both think this is the way to go. AIPAC loves the idea, too. Very big on the idea. So does Bobby. Big supporter.

“Look, as many of you know, right now we’ve got a lot of — too many really, a lot more than we need, many more than we need, no one needs this many, and a lot of experts agree with me on this — we’ve got too many overweight, unattractive women running around in public, a lot of them just running around (well walking slowly, actually, in fact many people say waddling, not walking but waddlinig) too many of them. In public (it’s sad, very sad) looking like well they could do a little better!

“Totie Fields. Remember Totie? I loved Totie, great gal. Very funny. Many people say she was the funniest. But heavy. Very heavy.

“And let’s face it, if you had a choice, who would you rather look at — Totie, as great as she is? Many people say one of the greatest — or Mamie van Doren? Not even close. Some of the smartest people say it’s not even close!

“So, as I told Mike last night, we want to make it easier for all the zaftig — I love that word. It’s a great word. One of the best words! — for all the zaftig American women to get tanned, get toned, lose weight — Ozempic, we love Ozempic and Metrical, don’t forget about Metrical, before there was Ozempic, there was Metrical — get the necessary augmentations — we love the augmentations — and Make American Women Great Again!”

White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt — appearing in an elegant chignon updo in advance of her Senior Prom to be held later tonight in Alexandria — denied rumors that  Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman told Mr Trump during his recent Middle East visit that Qatar’s gift of a 400-million-dollar 747 to replace an aging Air Force One, was contingent upon American women losing weight, because — as the Crown Prince explained — the Arab States were running out of attractive American women to fly to Dubai.

“That’s just ridiculous,” Ms Leavitt told reporters. “Currently, we have a trade imbalance in our favor with Dubai on that particular commodity, which — thanks to the multitude of influencers on various social media platforms — is not expected to change for the foreseeable future.”

Developing . . . .