VEN (LOS ANGELES) — After a defiant Mattel, Inc issued a statement Thursday announcing that they would not relocate Ken and Barbie production to the United States, a furious President Trump threatened the company with 100% tariffs, and then had the DOJ issue what many legal scholars are calling an unconstitutional bill of attainder against the toy maker, which resulted in a Ken doll being detained by ICE as he and several Barbie dolls exited their shipping container early Friday morning near Pier J Avenue at the Port of Long Beach, California.
Anonymous DOJ sources familiar with the situation told VEN‘s Senior Curio Correspondent Geppetto Polendina, that Attorney General Pam Bondi interrupted her Friday spa day to open an emergency investigation into Ken and his rumored association with the late Jeffrey Epstein.
Apparently, not only was Ken alleged to have been a frequent visitor to Epstein Island, but the DOJ now claims that a Jane Doe Doll Betsy Wetsy #1 and a Jane Doe Doll Chatty Cathy #2 have made some very serious accusations against the Mattel male doll, so serious in fact that Ms Bondi told senior DOJ attorneys — if true — they “could send shockwaves through the entire international toy doll industry.”
“This is one very sick doll,” Ms Bondi told her staff. “And our job is to see that dolls like him are locked up forever.”
Apparently, Mattel’s Ken doll was not the only male toy doll that made it onto the DOJ’s radar. VEN has learned that GI Joe, a HASBRO doll, was also investigated by the DOJ for his rumored association with the late Mr Epstein, but then quickly cleared of all accusations.
Developing . . . .
VERY ERSATZ NEWS 