VEN (WASHINGTON) — The tiny, overbearing, fiscally-and-managerially-challenged Raj of the FBI, Kash Patel, informed a stunned House Appropriations Subcommittee on Wednesday that the FBI budget before them for consideration that was crafted by the Trump administration, was inadequate and — like Edward G Robinson’s character Johnny Rocco in Key Largo — he needed MORE! Approximately 1.1 billion dollars more!
Unfortunately for Mr Patel, he couldn’t tell them why.
When pressed for a justification by purpled-haired octogenarian Congresswoman and former Bella Abzug protégée Rosa DeLauro (D-CT), a haughty Mr Patel explained in condescending tones that the proposed FBI budget before the subcommittee was not HIS budget, and that “The proposed budget that I put forward is to cover us for $11.1 billion, which would not have us cut any positions.”
Was an insubordinate Mr Patel using this hearing as an opportunity to criticize and embarrass the President?
VEN‘s Senior White House Correspondent, Adam Caulfield, reports that things got even stranger when the subcommittee adjourned to a private session.
According to anonymous sources, a visibly agitated Mr Patel apparently highjacked that session with a bizarrely inappropriate slide presentation outlining an equally bizarre proposal — rejected by the President — to turn all of the bathrooms on the first six floors of the FBI building into mini-marts, staffed by over 100 Patels on H1-B visas from his extended family in India, at a cost to taxpayers of — curiously enough — 1.1 billion dollars!
Referring to his boss, Mr Trump, as “that porcine short-sighted orange-faced overbearing fool,” a furious Mr Patel told the subcommittee that he intended to use his influence with Mr Trump’s wife, Melania, and former Trump advisor Steve Bannon “to get my bloody mini marts! I will have my mini marts!”
When asked how he intended to make up for the lost lavatories, Mr Patel explained that the FBI had developed a pilot training program based on similar programs in India on how to surreptitiously relieve oneself discreetly on public streets, specifically in the case of the FBI Building, Pennsylvania Avenue, and if necessary in bushes, near fire hydrants, or under trees.
Developing . . . .
VERY ERSATZ NEWS 