VEN (ATLANTA) — Well fed, spanx-and-cursive-challenged Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis alleges Orange Great White Hope Man Donald Trump paid over 200 million USD to influence low-information black voters in Fulton County by offering them twizzlers, grape soda, mentholated cigarettes, and free 9-volt batteries for their beeping smoke detectors in return for signing blank mail-in ballots provided by two illegally Trump-funded neo-Nazi super PACs — Blut und Boden Amerika and Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Führer, Ein MAGA USA!
“Dey wuz dresst likes dem rappstas onna MTV — shiny boots, unifoams jess like MJ!” 106-year-old Eliza Harris told VEN‘s Senior Malfeasance and Mendacity Correspondent Stuart Tarleton. “Gave me a bag ah Skittles! Very nize why menz!”
A visibly irate Al Sharpton held a press conference with Ms Harris on Sunday, where he accused Mr Trump of decades of discriminatory behavior towards black Americans, including stuffing Twana Brawley into a Dolce & Gabbana designer trash bag after first forcing her to sing I Loves You, Porgy from George and Ira Gershwin’s musical Porgy and Bess.
“No accompaniment, not even a piano! And Twana could barely sight read! This man is a straight up racist white supremacist neo-nazi — 1000 times worse than Calvin Candy! Ain’t no way we should ever let this racist con man spend one more night in dah Big House!”
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