VEN (BERLIN) — Responding to mounting criticism from migrant-rights organizations like  Aktiv gegen Abschiebung, German Chancellor Angela Merkel is calling on all German men between the ages of 16-95 to undergo immediate sexual reassignment surgery to ensure that there will be enough German women “to make this year’s Vergewaltigungs Fest in Cologne on New Year’s Eve a rousing success that every German everywhere can be proud of!”

“And I say again to the many Migrant-Germans living among us in the many No Go Zones across Germany, do not fear for your safety!

“The German police — as always — have been instructed to stand down, look the other way, and refuse to arrest anyone who assaults a German women during Vergewaltigungs Fest.

“Migrants! You are the future of Germany!  And we want you to know that we respect your customs, your lack of personal hygiene,  your violence, and your treatment of our women.

“And if — for some unknown reason — we cannot arrive at a satisfactory number of German women in time for the Vergewaltigungs Fest,  do not lose heart, seek out stray dogs or barnyard animals — or worse — return to your homelands!

“The German government will provide vouchers for anyone who missed out on the New Year’s Eve celebrations, which can be redeemed at any time in any German city throughout the new year!

“Simply stop any German woman on any street at any time — day or night —  hand her the voucher, and tell her Chancellor Merkel says you must welcome me to my new land and participate willingly in the rituals of my people, no matter how abhorrent they may appear to you!

“Because I am the future of Germany!”

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