VEN (NEW YORK) — In her new book Unsex Me Here, former Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton admits for the first time that like another famous androgynous First Lady, she is in fact a cross-dressing transsexual suffering from years of debilitating sexual dysphoria.
“I was a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man. My life was more confusing than Viola’s in Twelfth Night.
“When I was 17, I took myself to prom and spent the entire evening running in and out of restrooms changing back and forth from boy to girl, girl to boy, and so forth. It was exhausting. ‘Where’s your date, Hillary?’ ‘Um, he went to the restroom. Wait I think I see him. I’ll be right back.’ Then a few minutes later, ‘Hi, I’m Webb, Hillary’s date. She forgot something in my car, but she’ll be right back.’
“I had a lot of anger management issues and had a lot of unresolved resentment towards the American people as a result of that. I started drinking Boons Farm Apple Wine and taking Darvon. Lots of Darvon. I went to Wellesley looking for a husband. I went to Yale looking for a bride.
“At one point I had a lengthy affair with Yoko Ono. When John found out he put a hit out on himself. So in a very real sense I guess you can say I broke up The Beatles.
“It was a very confusing time. Then I met Bill, a mesmerizing serial rapist who drove me crazy because he refused to have sex with me. He told me later it was because he thought I was a man.”